Your Ideal Relationship
We all have certain criteria that we are looking for in relationships. When choosing a life partner, it’s important to break free from harmful tendencies from our past. Consider the people you’ve previously chosen to be with and think about why it didn’t work out. No matter how great couples seem on social media, no matter how many loving, hugging, kissing photos you see of your friends, no intimate relationship is trouble-free. That’s because of two facts that are in complete conflict with each other:
1.) All of us have inborn needs for love, care, and attention, which when not met trigger core emotions of anger and sadness. Over time, we can defend against these needs in a variety of ways. But that doesn’t mean the emotions aren’t happening – we’ve just blocked them from conscious experience.
and
2.) People in relationships cannot realistically meet all of the needs of their partner.
Given these two facts, inevitably there will be times when we feel unloved, uncared for, unappreciated, hurt, and/or angered. That is not bad. That is not good. It just is! ;o)
While we can’t know for certain all the good and bad characteristics our partner will bring to the table when we first meet them, there are certain universal traits you might want to look for in a relationship partner that will ensure a happier outcome. No person is perfect, of course, but below are key qualities to look for in a partner.
The following is a list of some of these criteria. Choose five (5) “must have’s” in your relationship. Then choose five (5) “don’t want’s”. Add any other criteria to your lists if they do not appear below.
- Age
- Physical Attraction
- Commitment
- Companionship
- Considerate
- Contraception
- Dependence
- Partnership
- Expectations
- Comfortable
- Honest
- Independent
- Jealousy
- Love
- Judgmental
- Possessiveness
- Same Ethnicity
- Reciprocate
- Religious/Spiritual Foundation
- Respect
- Security
- Open Sexual Relationship
- Trust
- Threesomes
- Pressure
- Dominance
- Communication
- Sexual Frequency
- Satisfaction of sex
- Physical appearance
- Humor
- Intelligence
- Prior sexual experience
- Virgin
Assignment: (no reference required):
- Why did you choose these five (5) “must have’s” and five (5) “don’t wants”?
- Are these characteristics different from what’s important in a date or a casual sexual partner?
- If your parent(s) were picking your long-term partner, describe the characteristics of the person they would choose for you. In what ways would that be different than what you would choose? What causes the differences?